Fun with movie puns

Put yours in the comments!Glad He Ate Her - Group of lions escape from the Roman Colosseum, try to find their way back to Africa. Emperor's daughter takes it upon herself to track them down, eager to apply her knowledge gained from a trip she once took down the Nile. She claims to have a "transcendent rapport with all creatures of the wild". After several near misses she finally has the lions trapped just as they're about to board a ship for Tunisia. Alpha male lion devours her. Her cadre of soldiers do not intervene.Re: Arwen Dough - Arwen has divorced Aragorn and now lives a solitary life in a Manhattan apartment. Distrustful of the race of men, she stashes all her money in a box she keeps in a closet. She's dismayed one day when she catches a man across the alley spying on her through binoculars. And now the doorman is acting strange around her. And why is her neighbor Gladys suddenly so inquisitive and keen on having tea in her apartment? It's not quite adding up until she intercepts a memo...Sit a Sin Cane - Surreal basketball movie about a team of anthropomorphic canes. Point guard starts an affair with a human woman called Rose Bud who puts him to ferocious dildoic use. They fall in love and elope. Coach is a real uptight religious prick, and racist against humans, thinks canes should only marry their own kind. Benches point guard as punishment, causing an uproar among fans, who start a movement for cane-human racial equality.Scarf Ace - What it sounds like. Story about a talented, effeminate Miami Marlins pitcher of Cuban extraction who likes to wear a pastel scarf while on the mound. The scarf violates MLB rules, but Ace, who moonlights as a gangster, threatens to have the commissioner's son's legs broken if he doesn't make an exception. Commissioner backs down, and a bescarved Ace goes on to have a stellar, coke-fueled season, while also gaining fame for his frilly scarf. So much fame that he becomes a gay icon, beloved in the lgbt community. This does him no favors with his fellow gang members, however, who increasingly disassociate from him. Commissioner, upon learning Ace has lost his "muscle", decides to enforce the dress code again. An apoplectic Ace then crashes an executive meeting at the Commissioner's office, guns blazing. Security rushes in and he goes down in a flurry of destruction.Thai Tan, Ick! - Chick flick about a kids summer camp. One of the campers, Tan, is from Thailand. Awkward, ugly, unkempt, speaks broken English. All the girls make fun of him behind his back, except Jodi, the prettiest, most popular girl, secretly has a crush on him. She seduces him, which proves difficult because he's too flustered to know what to do. Eventually she succeeds. But then someone catches them making out. The girls are disgusted. However, Jodi defends her attraction to him, and she has such conviction, and status and popularity that the other girls get a crush on Tan too. He draws Jodi's portrait topless in the moonlight, on a slowly sinking canoe. The girls are sooooo jealous. Next day, new arrivals show up to camp, including two really cute boys. All the girls including Jodi promptly forget about Tan.Tack, Seed River! - Autistic boy is obsessed with splitting or as he calls it, "riving", sunflower seeds. Doesn't even eat them, just rives. His concerned parents send him to his grandpa for the summer, who lives on a yacht, hoping the fresh air will do the boy good. One day at sea, grandpa falls and breaks his hip. Yells to the boy to turn the yacht, as they're on a collision course with a massive cargo ship. But the boy has no idea how to do that. Besides, he sees his grandpa as corrupt on account of the parade of prostitutes he's been with over the summer. He's happy to sabotage the yacht to spite the old man but doesn't realize what he's doing is also suicide. Tragedy ensues.Ram Bow - Wendy's friend cracks wise about how car commercials around Christmas always show people surprising their loved ones with bow-wrapped cars. As if anyone actually does that! Wendy decides to defy her friend and do exactly that. Her husband has been talking about replacing his pickup. She says fuck it and buys him a new Dodge Ram, all the bells and whistles. Now, where do you get a giant novelty ribbon and bow? The next 70 minutes of the movie then consist of a painfully detailed account of the minutiae of Wendy's efforts to acquire the bow and wrap the car, and arrange to have it appear in their driveway at precisely the right time, all without her husband knowing. On Christmas morning, when she pulls her PTSD husband outside for the surprise, he has a thousand-yard stare, like he's not even seeing the truck. Seconds go by. "Well?" she says with a desperately hopeful smile. "Return it," he says and goes back inside. BLEAK.In Deep End: Ants Dei - Ant defectors from Opus Dei have formed a breakaway group just for insects. They've set up a compound in the tiny town of Deep End, Wyoming, and gained notoriety for their increasingly vitriolic criticisms of the Pope. Allegations of abuse begin to surface from insects who've escaped the compound. To outsiders, Ants Dei has all the classic signs of a brain-washing cult. They begin preaching a dire apocalyptic message, fearing aliens will soon arrive and destroy mankind, and their rhetoric is so compelling that word spreads and many Catholics around the world start to believe the prophecy. Deep End soon becomes a magnet for millions, insect and human alike, who make a pilgrimage there seeking salvation. The town is not at all equipped. Dystopian conditions begin to set in due to sheer logistics. How does it end? Two words: Yellowstone supervolcano.Met Ra Poleless - Silent black and white film about an ancient Egyptian who, upon becoming a eunuch, has a profound mystical encounter with Ra. Siddhartha-esque in its searching meditation on the quest for enlightenment. The eunuch explores the many ways in which the male ego is bound up with having a dick, and becomes increasingly interested in bridging the divide between the ruling class and working class in Egypt.Tomb Our Own, Ever Dyes - Political activist and t-shirt empressaria Ever Harrison has an ayahuasca trip where a fern tells her to embrace her responsibility to help bring peace to the planet. "Tomb our own", the fern declares and drills into her mind. It makes total sense to her in her altered state. Stop killing innocent foreigners. If anyone deserves death, it's the war criminals in her own government. Upon getting home, she dyes the slogan on a bunch of t-shirts, but they don't sell. Nobody gets it. She runs it by her friends and family. They don't get it. Meanwhile in all her attempts at advertising the shirts, she's managed to get herself on a suspected terrorist "no-fly" list. And all Ever wants to do is get back to the rainforest to take more ayahuasca to get more mystical advice. So she takes a cruise ship, and it's going well until a dashing British gentleman commandeers and turns the ship, triggering a torrent of violence and hysteria as everyone fears a terrorist attack. Hiding in her room she screams "Tomb all of us!" in hatred of mankind.Bear Real in Dunn - Halloween horror movie set in North Carolina. Belchy the Bear is the trendy costume of the year. All the kiddies love the cartoon character. As trick-or-treaters hit the streets, there are Belchys everywhere, merrily belching. Little does anyone know, the small town of Dunn, NC received a faulty shipment of Belchy costumes. Due to a factory error, these masks got lined with a chemical that slowly turns the wearer into an actual ferocious bear. Horror ensues, every frame like a painting. The movie title is a local newspaper's callous headline the morning after. via /r/movies http://ift.tt/2wdyvrg